Traditional Catholic Teaching - Lesson 15 - The Sacrament of Matrimony (2)

Lesson 15 - The Sacrament of Matrimony (2)

Nearly every film, book and play ends with wedding bells. Every fairy story used to end with a marriage and they all lived happily ever after. But everybody knows that marriage is only a beginning. Every marriage is a work of art. And to be successful it needs all the patience, the unselfishness and the devotion that the married pair can bring to it. A happy marriage is a masterpiece. And like every masterpiece it can be ruined by an unskilful or a clumsy hand.

Divorce

No thinking person can be happy about the state of marriage as it exists in England today. This lesson will be concerned with some of the ways in which marriage is misused against the Law of God and against the nature of man. In the realm of marriage today a great abuse is divorce. Divorce has become so common that it is threatening the foundation of marriage and the home. On this matter the Catholic Church takes, as is well known, a firm stand. The teaching of the Church is this:

A consummated marriage between two baptised persons cannot be broken by any human power.

There are those who say the Catholic Church is unreasonable. Divorce and re-marriage make it possible for those who have made a mistake to try again, to make a real home instead of a place where there is endless strife and bickering. Why does not the Church allow divorce and re-marriage when the first marriage for one reason or another has broken down?

"No Divorce" A Law of God

Let us be quite clear from the start that here is no question about what the Church does or does not allow.

It is not a matter of the law of the Church. It is a matter of the law of God. The Church, even if it wished, cannot change the Law of God.

The Catholic teaching of divorce is based on the teaching of Christ. He was asked:

Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? He answered them: Have you not read that He Who made men from the beginning made them male and female? And He said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be two in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two but one flesh. What God hath joined together let no man put asunder.
(Matt. 19: 3 and 6.)

They say to Him: Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorce and to put away? He saith to them: Because Moses by reason of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to put away your wives but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you that whosoever shall put away his wife except it be for fornication and shall marry another committeth adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away committeth adultery. (Matt. 19: 7 and 10.)

The disciples were flabbergasted. They came to Him again when He went into the house and asked Him if they had heard Him aright, He repeated it:

Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her husband and be married to another she committeth adultery. (Mark 10.)

So astounded were the disciples that they said:

"Why in that case it is better not to marry at all." To which Our Lord replied that if a man would not accept that vocation to marriage then indeed let him not marry at all. ¹ (Matt. xix.)

¹Do the 'words 'except it be for fornication" allow for divorce and re-marriage in the case of unfaithfulness? No. If a married person is unfaithful there may be a separation but no re-marriage. So clearly are the words of Christ not an exception to the general law that St. Mark and St. Luke when reporting the scene do not even mention the words. And when you turn to St. Paul to see how Christ's words were understood and put in practice from the earliest days of the Church, we find him stating quite simply:

To them that are married not I but the Lord commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband and if she depart that she remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Cor.7: see also Rom 7: 2)

In short what Our Lord did was to restore marriage to its original condition — unbreakable. He made it a Sacrament, a holy thing. He guaranteed His support. And so it is Catholic teaching handed down from Christ that a marriage between two baptised Christians, once it is consummated, i.e., completed by the act of marriage by which the two become one flesh, can never be broken.

Non Catholic Marriage

Notice that this applies to all Christians Catholic or Protestant. Two baptised Protestants marry in a Protestant church or a Register Office. Their marriage is a true marriage and a true Sacrament. It cannot be broken.

For our own people the Catholic Church makes an additional safeguard. A Catholic must normally be married before the parish priest or his representative and two witnesses. This is the only type of marriage the Church will normally recognise for Catholics.

The ideal would be for all men to be Christians and so for all marriages to be sacramental. In fact not all men are Christians and therefore not all marriages are sacraments. The Church does not deny that in some cases a non-sacramental marriage may be broken. But these cases must be few and clearly defined and they must be breakable not just by the will of the partners but by process of law.

St. Paul mentions one case (I Cor. 7: 15): Two unbaptised people marry and later one of them is baptised: if the unbaptised one refuses to live with the baptised (or makes life together impossible) the baptised one may ask leave of the Church to marry again.

Easy Divorce a Disaster

That then is the law of God, The Church has only to administer the law. Nor would the Church change the law even if she could because what God commands, our intelligence and our experience confirm.

Easy divorce laws are a disaster for all.

They are a disaster for the children because they mean broken homes and divided loyalties.
They are a disaster for the community. Divorce is not a private matter. Everyone is affected by the general standards. Every marriage needs the support of society, of laws. That is why married people make a contract. They bind themselves by a vow because they foresee that there will be times when, emotionally, they will feel like breaking the bond. At those times, the vow lends force to the marriage. Public opinion, standards, laws, are all props which support human weakness.

It is much easier to refrain from smoking in a non smoking community. It is much easier to keep marriage unbroken in a community where divorce is not thought of. Every divorce weakens every marriage in the country.

"Hard Cases" Increased by Every Divorce

What of the "hard cases" as they are called? In human affairs there are always bound to be hard cases. Nothing human will ever be perfect. If all marriages were Christian marriages there would still he some that failed because one or other of the partners would not co-operate.

But easy divorce does not lessen the number of such cases. It increases them. And therefore in the interests of all some must be prepared to carry the cross. Where a marriage fails there may be a separation. There can never be a re-marriage. In the long run this saves many other marriages from failing because the standards are kept firm.

Decrees of Nullity

A Decree of Nullity is not a divorce. A Catholic sometimes obtains from the Church a decree of nullity. This simply means that the previous marriage was in fact no marriage at all. For example, if one of the partners had been compelled to marry against their will.

Again, the marriage of a Catholic contracted outside the Catholic Church is not regarded as a valid sacramental marriage. In this case if the Catholic obtains a civil divorce he or she is free to marry in the Catholic Church because the first marriage had not been recognised as a Sacramental marriage at all.

All divorce begins with selfishness on the part of one or both partners, If husband and wife bear in mind that God is with them in the marriage, if they use the means of grace that God has given them in His Church, prayer together, the Sacrament of Confession, Holy Communion, the most stormy seas can be safely navigated.

Birth Prevention

Here again the stand of the Catholic Church is well known. The primary purpose of marriage is the birth of children. This does not mean that Catholics must have as many children as they can, though it should be borne in mind that fruitfulness of marriage is always spoken of in the Bible as a great blessing. There is no law of God which compels persons either to marry or to use their marriage. But if they use their marriage then they must do so fully. Sex is not to be used simply as a means of self-indulgence.

Let it be said at once that anybody with experience of life must be moved to compassion with the difficulties encountered by some married people.

It is true that there are some who use birth prevention methods simply out of selfishness and a desire to evade their responsibilities. But there are others who are in a desperate position especially because of housing difficulties or of health. We can have no stern condemnation for them if they sometimes fail. When this happens they can draw new strength and resolution from the Sacrament of Penance. Prayer and Holy Communion will ensure that God does not fail to help them.

What is quite certain, however, is that true happiness can only be found in doing the Will of God even if this sometimes needs heroism.

The Church does not make the law. The Church cannot change the law. God made the law and it is part of God's plan for true happiness in marriage. And the law of God is bluntly this: To destroy, block or spill the seed deliberately, either by using anything or by interrupting the act of marriage, is a mortal sin. It is a mortal sin:

Because it cuts God out of the central act of marriage. Those who use it say, in effect, "we shall have the pleasure; you God shall not have the soul. We shall make it impossible for this creature to come to be."
The sex faculty is not merely or even primarily for the benefit of the individual. It is primarily a social faculty for the benefit of the whole race; to beget children to continue the human race. To use it simply for one's personal benefit and to suppress this main purpose is wrong.
Pleasure is attached to the use of sex by God's design to help its primary purpose to he fulfilled, just as the pleasure of eating is to induce us to eat and so to keep us alive.

Husband and wife take pleasure in the use of marriage because they love one another. This is good and right. But the main purpose of marriage is to keep the human race alive. To take the pleasure only and to prevent the other purpose is wrong, as wrong as the Ancient Romans' habit of gorging themselves and then provoking a vomit so as to be able to gorge again.
The teaching of the Church on this subject has been handed down without change from the time of Our Lord. This is a sign that the law of God in the matter is the same as it always has been, as it was when Onan committed this sin ages before the coming of Our Lord and, in the words of the Bible:

The Lord slew him because he did a detestable thing. (Gen. 28: 9 – 10)

The "Safe Period"

It is not wrong, for a serious reason, to confine the use of one's marriage to what are known as the "safe periods" when conception is improbable. At these times it is God Who does not see fit to complete the act by creating a soul. No positive action on the part of the couple thwarts the act. The decision in each instance is God's. The important thing is that the marriage act should be treated with reverence, used in its entirety and not frustrated or mutilated for merely personal ends.

Let us repeat — the Church knows that all this means a hard road for some married couples. There are some who will need to practise self-control in a heroic degree. But God gives His grace to help. It is always possible, no matter how difficult, to keep the law of God. And if we keep His law God never lets us down, He made marriage and He knows best how marriage should be used. Marriage is what it is. God made it what it is because thus it is best for the human race. Man can take it or leave it. But if he takes it he must take it on God's terms because God knows how it should be.

In the last hundred years there has been a general abandonment of Christian standards in the matter of divorce and in the matter of marriage relations. Each time a change has been made it has been proclaimed that this would lead to happier marriages, to a more sound family life. In fact exactly the opposite has happened. There is less chance of a marriage being successful today than there was when Christian standards were observed. We can't improve on God's law. Tamper with the law of God and you ruin all.

Mixed Marriages

What we have said above about Catholic teaching on divorce and birth prevention will make it obvious how unwise it is for a Catholic to marry one who does not share those standards. Marriage is not just a union of bodies, It must be a union of minds and hearts if it is to be successful, a marriage between persons who hold different standards on such vitally important matters as divorce, birth prevention and religion in general starts off with a great handicap. Therefore the Catholic Church forbids in principle marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic.

Moreover a mixed marriage can be a source of confusion to the children on the most important matter in their lives — their religion. They see the father whom they love following one religion, the mother whom they love following another. Almost inevitably they will be led to consider that religious differences are

However, although the general principle of the Church stands, the Church recognises that there is a case for allowing mixed marriages in certain instances, for example, where Catholics are in a small minority and it would be too grievous a hardship to expect every Catholic to find a Catholic partner. In these cases the Church will allow a mixed marriage provided that it is performed in the Catholic church, and provided that a guarantee is given that the Catholic partner will be free to practise his or her Faith and that the children will he brought up as Catholics.

Numbers of non-Catholics who make their first acquaintance with the Catholic Faith by falling in love with a Catholic are subsequently received into the Catholic Church and find there a happiness which they had never dreamed of.

The author is indebted to the Catholic Truth Society for permission to use part of his pamphlet
'Birth Control' (C.T.S.S. 221, 3d.) in which this subject is treated more fully.

End of Lesson 15

Supplement A

Appendix: "Three Questions About Divorce"

Supplement B: "Whom God Has Joined"

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